SMBC Comics Forum

My friends, I have come across an opportunity which I feel I can't pass up: I have a chance to win $100 and a full body massage, and all I have to do is eat half of a NINE POUND (THAT'S FOUR KILOGRAMS) PIZZA. I stand 6' 3" (1.9 m) tall, and weigh a mere 150 lbs (68 kg), however I feel I can do this.

However, I don't want to go into this blind. I plan on attempting this feat, with a good friend of mine (hence my only having to eat half) in about a week, and I need some tips! If anyone has advice from first-hand experience I would be forever in your debt, and if anyone could point me towards some sites for tips that would also be very much appreciated.

So far I've been told that pacing is key and that I should start eating large amounts of high-water, difficult to digest foods each day to stretch my stomach. Any other tips??

Your glutinous pal: Raziel

Yeah swallow grapes whole or something. That's what that one japanese guy does.

Its key that you don't do anything to tighten your stomach up. No sit ups, if you already have a lot of muscle down there you might be fucked.

Is there a time limit? Because what you could do is buy some depends and just shit it out as you go.

Being muscular isn't so bad, but having a lot of abdomen fat can be trouble; hence the "fatbelt" theory, where it constricts the ability of the stomach to expand.

I've eaten a pizza with a 2-litre of soda before but I don't know exactly how you're supposed to train for something like that; I really just have experience as a glutton, and I probably couldn't stretch out my stomach again without gaining a lot of weight. Nevertheless, I would recommend eating only one or two meals a day but really making them count; if your stomach doesn't hurt after a meal then you're doing it wrong. Drink lots of water during the day, but of course remember the dangers of water intoxication so you shouldn't drink too much without any food. Honestly, one week isn't a lot of time to stretch your stomach, so you might just want to eat 'till you're sick (try not to throw up) for the entire week and hope you don't ruin your body.

I used to want to do competitive eating, myself, 'cause I could definitely eat more than almost anyone I knew, but then I tried to keep my weight down and I ended up shrinking my stomach a fair bit. It's a bit sad. I wouldn't try to get back into eating shape if I weren't working out again.

There's a one hour time limit, however after some research I've found that in competitive eating, people fill up almost immediately, and it takes the brain 8 minutes to start sending out "full" signals once you've had enough, so if it takes me roughly 5 minutes of eating as fast as I possibly can to get full, I have an additional 8 minutes before I'm in misery, which leads one to the conclusion that taking advantage of the whole hour is a very bad idea. Also, I'm not going to shit myself.

So far as stomach muscles go... I think I'm good. I'm skinny as a rail so there's no fat belt to worry about either.

I'd also like to say that I've eaten an entire 24 slice pizza by myself with no real problem, and on multiple occasions I've bought an 18 cut when I was feeling especially hungry. To tell the truth it isn't the amount of food that's worrying me, it's the toppings. If this is a plain cheese I don't think there will be much of a problem, but if it's half pizza and half greasy meat-slop I don't know if I could keep it down. The horrible thing is that I love a pizza that's half meat-slop, but I haven't ever tried to eat the whole thing...

You will be eating two kilos, so you might want to consider how much food that is rather than worrying about toppings. Most fast-food places have to keep nutritional info somewhere around so you can look it up online and you might be able to find the actual weight. Of course volume can also be a kicker, though they're both important. Well, you've only got a week and your training isn't going to have super-excellent results so I guess we'll find out soon enough.

I hope I'm not alone in saying that I would like pictures of this event.

You probably will not succeed, but go ahead. Just try not to barf on the pizza itself?

I'm not sure I want to help you Raziel.

I just saw that you posted the exact same thing on the Eidos forum.

What a bastard.

Cirtur wrote:I'm not sure I want to help you Raziel.

I just saw that you posted the exact same thing on the Eidos forum.

Apocalyptus wrote:He's cheating on us.

To be fair, I'm really cheating on them. I've been posting over there for significantly longer than I have over here. I'm just trying to get the maximum amount of help before the event, and I'm lazy. If I have literally the exact same message to get across to two groups of people I see no reason that I shouldn't save time (and we all know how lazy I am).

On a side note: I'm well aware that I'll probably fail, and I'll also be happy to post pictures of the event*.
*Assuming that you can find it in your heart to forgive me my laziness.

I'm so infuriated by your copy/pasting that I plan to sign up for your other forum and copy my response and see how you like it.

I'm going to sign up to forum and become beloved in the same way I have here and then I'm going to tell them that I'm leaving because Raziel is there and then they will ban him and he will have to spend all his time with us.